Hard-pressed, but not crushed
Persecuted, not abandoned
Struck down, but not destroyed

I'm not gonna lie the last couple weeks have sucked pretty hardcore. I know that this is where God has me right now, but it is difficult not to get downhearted. ESPECIALLY when you're getting attacked from what appears every angle. I'm pretty sure there is very little going right, right now. That is, right in my mind anyway...everything is Right in His mind. I'm not losing hope, but I'm finding it increasingly difficult to find joy how i once did. I'm hoping this phase of life passes quickly, though trying to learn what i can while its here.

While I was praying on the way home tonight the verse above entered my thoughts, and i was thankful that God is near with a comforting word. And now I'm praying that God's timing and my timing intersect....soon.

A couple weeks ago i was sitting in church, sort of zoning out during apparently what i considered a not so exciting sermon, and i had this vision of this weedish vine crawling through this forest trying to get at me. I had these large snippers (ironically the same pair i use at work) and just kept clipping it back...but it never ceased to come back and i was quickly losing the battle as i attempted time and time again to keep it back away from me.

I knew instinctively that this was the complacency i'd been dealing with.

COMPLACENCY

what an ugly word. its like being lazy. couch potato christianity. lethargic to what's going on. letting the things that would bother God roll off your back and shrugging it off. letting opportunity for the gospel pass you by.

BAH it makes me cringe

but alas i have suffered so deeply lately.

And i've talked it out with a handful of differnent people latelly...just like a hey i'm in a funk, get me out! low and behold they also were dealing with the big C. Which was fabulous at first, i mean i wasnt the only one suffering...and we could talk for hours about how it plagued us..

So i got to this point....right about the time the weed/vine was about to complelty consume me in my little thought...that i'm sick of talking about it. like oh poor me i'm complacent. lets put together a complacents anonymous group so we can sit and talk about our complacency....and then what. all acknowlege we're complacent? super.

there's a zillion and one reasons one might become complacent, and quite frankly in american culture where you're surrounded by a million other complacent christians who wouldnt recognize God if he smacked them in the forehead...its no surprise. SO WHAT ARE YA GOING TO DO ABOUT IT??

SO i'm a social worker, and i'm well aware that you cant help one that doesnt want to help themselves. I mean, its not as though God has become complacent on YOU, he's still there wondering where you went! So buck up and dig in.

And its not like there's a quick fix. Not like you can take a pill and get over it. Its simply a matter of becomming more disciplined, and seeking God's FACE, and not settling for a hand.

This example a friend gave me once in regards to relationships comes to mind. Relationships arent always about the flame, its about the coals underneath. Yes, with the hot coals comes the flames but the coals are the backbone. Throughout everything your relaionship with God is going to have flames...but if the coals arent there backing it up...do you really have a fire? So what if the flames are dying down... how are the coals??

Ive been dealing with this as well. In having so many smack you in the face ministry opportunites in the last couple years, being home practicing just BEING has been challenging. Just like God's saying ok so you'll follow me here, to africa, south america, whereever, but will you stick with me when i lead you home and ask you to stay there for some time.

So how many more days are you going to let slip through your fingers before you finally sit down and set things straight.

Might i also remind you that there is this urgency...i mean its not like we're immortal.



esh, i'm done.
love you!